


Waking Up

by SqueebFish



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Rythna - Freeform, Slow Build, Slow Burn, it doesnt follow that story tho, its, kinda super slow, set in flux buddies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2020-07-12 10:21:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19944589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SqueebFish/pseuds/SqueebFish
Summary: Rythian wakes up confused in a new world after living alone and broken in the last one. He stumbles upon a base made out of cherry wood, and finds someone who helps piece him back together. His fresh start is interrupted by an old enemy, who somehow doesn't seem as dangerous... Confusion and redemption ensue.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for a long time, but it's still a work in progress. I hope you readers enjoy it.

The feeling of being pulled apart and put back together was a strange one, especially when it was unexpected. One moment you’re in a pit of despair and the next your consciousness is floating through the ether. The sensation felt similar to teleportation and that gave him a small comfort, as he had felt that cold embrace of nothingness not too long ago… It made his heart ache as well, since it only showed how far he had let himself fall. He was numb for awhile. The feeling made his thoughts scramble; the only thing he could focus on was the weird shifting of his limbs.

Eventually, one by one, his senses came back to him. A quiet wind filled his ears. He could faintly hear the sound of some kind of animal munching on grass and, after hearing a low  _ baa, _ he suspected it could be a sheep. A second later, the pressure of gravity returned; he felt the soft undergrowth below his hands and the hard feeling of the ground underneath his back. He opened his eyes. He saw the light of the setting sun filtering through the leaves above him and it made his eyes ache. He could spy the pink and purple hues through the breaks. A heavy feeling settled in his chest.

Rythian pushed himself into a sitting position. He took in a deep breath as he ran a hand through his hair -- a nervous tick he had picked up from Zoey. “What?” He muttered to himself, looking around.

He was in a forest. He quickly checked his pack and found he had nothing but a torch. He lit the torch -- more to feel secure over anything else -- even though there was a gold sunset illuminating his surroundings.

He stood on shaky legs and surveyed his landing spot. He had awoke in a small clearing filled with near black trees and glowing bugs.  _ Am I in the Twilight Forest? _ He thought to himself when he saw animals like horned rams walking about the place. He forced himself to take a few unsteady steps forward, and saw a hut overflowing with Spanish moss. A witch. Worry gripped his stomach as he thought about the possibility of stumbling onto a witch in his defenseless state. He took a few more careful steps and tried to sense any type of presence in the hut.

Luckily, he felt none, and a breath of relief fell out of him. He continued forward and soon saw a glimpse of wood planks through the trees. A steep hill separated him from the structure but he forced his tired limbs up over the fence enclosing the twilight space and then up the side of the hill. He found himself in front of a base, and blew out the torch he had lit, before throwing it to the side.

The construction he saw had slanted smokers on the roof; there were red planks and marble which stood in stark contrast to the steel spikes peppered here and there. There were two small gardens out front being kept alive by automatic sprinklers. He could also see another farm further down but he was more interested in the house. He crept up to the door with caution, unsure of who could be inside, and pushed it open slowly. He took a step in, not seeing the pressure plate on the ground, and the door shut behind him with a small squeak. He cursed his own carelessness and was about to try to find a place to hide when a voice from upstairs made him freeze in panic.

“Hello?” The feminine voice rang. Rythian stayed frozen, willing his body to move to no avail. He heard footsteps coming down the stairs. “Is that you, L-” The girl cut herself off when she caught sight of him, her hand immediately going to her waist. In the next second, a bright pink sword was pointed at Rythian as the girl walked down the last of the stairs.

Rythian watched in apprehension as the magenta rapier moved closer. He didn't blame her for the way she was reacting. He probably looked like pure shit and there wasn’t much trust already in this kind of world.

He took the silence as an opportunity to observe his threat. There was an obvious deformity on the girls face. It was hard not to notice the dark purple skin covering half her face and arm. Even with it, she was far from looking unattractive. She was petite, black hair flowed down to what looked like the small of her back, and the red flowers adorning both sides of her head complimented her face nicely. Her eyes were pinning him in place, a sharpness was in them that had his stomach clenching with the danger he knew he was in. This pretty girl could very well end him and with the face she had on, he felt she wouldn’t hesitate either.

“Um…” The word was quiet. He hadn’t spoken in awhile, “Hello?” His voice was weak and he hated it. How long had it been since he’d said anything to anyone? He couldn’t remember. The girl didn’t appear fazed at his horrible attempt at speaking, but her grip did get tighter on her sword.

“Who are you?” Her voice was strong, confident, and the complete opposite of what Rythian had sounded like. If he had any hope of getting out of this with his fighting, it had been crushed at the way she spoke. The strength shone through her tone and, even with her small stature, she seemed to radiate a fierceness that he hadn’t seen in a very long time.

“Rythian.” His name on his tongue felt foreign, like it wasn’t his. “Who are you?”

Her eyes narrowed, seconds ticked by in silence and the apprehension in Rythian grew. She could slice his throat without ever saying another word to him and the thought seemed more real the longer she didn’t say anything. She walked forward slowly. He felt his whole body tense up as the sword came closer and closer. The tip was centimeters from his chest when she finally spoke, “My name is NanoSounds, but people call me Kim.” She paused. “Pleasure to meet you, Rythian.” There was no hostility in her voice and that made him feel a little bit better about the situation. She didn’t look like she wanted to kill him.

He chanced a quick look around the room and asked another question, “Where is this?” He hoped she’d answer. It was very disorienting to be somewhere completely unknown with nothing.

“Do you not know where you are?” Her head tilted just slightly to the side as she asked. He wondered if she noticed the minute reaction. Her question was also filled with confusion, and it made him wonder just how long he’d let himself stay in the other world.

He cleared his throat, trying to sound more like a person who actually speaks rather than a dying zombie. “I think I was just transferred from the old world?” He answered hesitantly. 

“The old world?”

“Tekkit,” was his answer. Her face lit up with recognition, and then some darker emotions Rythian couldn’t discern.

“Oh, right.” The words sounded forced.

“I think that world must have gotten corrupted bad enough for someone to have to switch me.” He explained quickly. In all truthfulness, he’d had no idea why he was switched. He’d stopped going farther than Blackrock a long time ago, and the solitude had made him lose a lot of things… a sense of time passing being one of them. 

“Corrupted,” was her only word on it. “Right.” Both answers were said with a quick nod of her head, and a slight pinching of her face. He wasn’t sure what issue he’d stepped on to make her look uncomfortable, but he didn’t think he’d find out anytime soon. She looked to the side for a second, looking to be considering something, before her sword retreated. He let out a heavy breath of relief as he watched her put her sword back on the clip at her side.

Now that his life wasn’t in immediate danger, he took a chance to look around the big room better. It was an open space kitchen and dining room. There was a staircase going up in the far left of the room and a hatch in the bottom right corner. The place was well-built and, if he listened closely, he could hear the thrum of machinery below his feet. Not to mention the strong magic coursing from Kim herself. It made him curious about if she’d come this far alone. Curious enough that he voiced it, “You made all this?” Making a quick gesture to accompany his question.

She didn’t seemed bothered by the question. Her stance and face relaxed and she shrugged, “I had some help.”

That question made Rythian’s nervousness increase just the slightest bit. If there was someone else here then that could be another threat. “Is there another person here?” He asked, trying not to let his worry shine through.

“Not right now.” Was her immediate answer. “He had to go and do stuff.” She said with a dismissive wave of her hand. That answer made his nerves relax a little bit. “He’ll be back in like 3 months.” 

The long time frame surprised him. “3 months? That’s quite a long time.”

“Yeah.” She shrugged, but her unbothered face seemed forced. “He stays here a lot though. This is his home.” She gestured to the place around her and a fond smile, that looked much more real, replaced her last false-looking expression.

“3 months alone?” He questioned, not believing that she was fine with the solitude. He would know better than anyone that being alone can be hell. “Doesn’t it get, I don’t know, lonely?”

Her face scrunched up and she shook her head from side to side, “A little bit,” She didn’t look him in the eye, “But the voices keep my company.” Her eyes glazed over with her comment, and the action unsettled Rythian to the core. He knew the feeling all too well of being bombarded by voices that weren't yours; the crazy and helplessness it can instill in you. He’d been living that way for so long, the conversation he was having right now with this girl had felt like heaven--even if she had been threatening him for half of it. 

He figured asking about it wouldn’t be the worst thing he could do. “The voices?” He raised an eyebrow at her, trying to seem like he didn’t have a clue what she was talking about.

“The fluxy voices.” Her words were faint, almost like she didn’t realize she was talking at all. "They sound far away now." Her eyebrows were pushed together in confusion at the revelation. "I can't really hear them that good." For a second, he saw her just tilt her head and listen to something Rythian couldn't see. His heart squeezed at the sight of her manic behavior. He knew what that was like, and the closeness of her situation to his was almost too much to bear. Especially when he realized that flux was the reason for her craziness. That stuff wasn't to be tampered with at all, and now this poor girl was half drenched in the foul substance. He held back a grimace as he wondered what would've happened to land her in a predicament like this. Suddenly, her eyes snapped back to him and he almost jumped at the sudden movement. "They don't like you." The voice was firm and Rythian was torn between telling her the truth about why and ignoring it completely.

He didn't get a chance to respond. She walked quickly away from him to the far corner of the room. She stood there for a second, a pondering expression on her face, before walking back to stand as close to Rythian as she could. He wanted to take a step back to save his personal bubble but the door stood behind him, blocking him from moving any further.

NanoSounds started to hum. Not moving and staring straight at Rythian, she hummed to herself, her eyes narrowing after a few seconds. Rythian was frozen to the spot under her stare. He was confused and more than a little bit frightened at what the stranger before him was thinking. "The voices go away when I'm next to you." She said, matter-of-factly as she pointed to her temple.

He was at a loss for words. He could tell her it was because he was less than human and had his own demons that the flux probably didn't appreciate, but the thought of airing out his skeletons to some stranger he stumbled upon in this very new, very unknown world seemed less than ideal to him. 

He was too busy trying to come up with an explanation for himself that he didn't notice said stranger didn't really want an explanation at all. He missed the huge smile spread out on her face, but her voice snapped him out of the tunnel of thought he'd stumbled into, "You're staying." The smile on her face grew.

Before he could protest or even voice his confusion on the subject, she grabbed his wrist and dragged him upstairs with more strength than what he had pegged her for earlier.

"What?" He asked, deciding that letting himself get dragged might be better than fighting it. 

"You're staying." 


	2. Chapter 2

“You’re staying.” She repeated with a light-heartedness.

"What?" He repeated, trying to figure out what the hell was happening.

“The voices seem to quiet down when you’re around.” She answered. “You stay.” She said, her eyes burning. “It’ll help me focus and you don’t exactly look like you have a home.” She gestured to his scruffy appearance. “I’ll make you some armor and you can use my old ruby tools until we make you some better stuff.” She explained, already halfway up the staircase. She suddenly gasped, and Rythian had to stop himself from jumping at the sound, “I can make you a room at the back of Panda Labs!” She exclaimed, walking even faster up the stairs while mumbling about how that space had been unused forever.

Rythian felt a fondness start to form and he couldn’t help the tight feeling in his chest as he remembered Zoey. “You remind me of a friend.” He said softly, while he chuckled.

“Is that good?”

Rythian barely heard her. They had reached the top of the stairs and his attention was captured by the copper statue he saw against the wall. He could feel his pulse quicken, his heartbeat was in his ears. The statue depicted a likeness of Kim standing on top of Lalna, and his eyes wouldn’t budge from the sight. “You’re with Lalna?” His voice was dry and quiet, the loud pounding of his heart didn’t cease and he could barely hear Kim move toward him. His joints locked up while the overwhelming feeling to run coursed through him. He couldn’t catch his breath.

What was happening?

“You know him?” She asked, with genuine confusion coating he face when Rythian roughly turned to look at her. The fact that she didn’t seem to know what had happened between them made his panic ease a little bit. However, it was still a trial to get a breath in and he thought his body had somehow morphed into some kind of jelly substance with how his legs start to shake.

“Um…” Was all that left him. He was at a loss. He knew his emotions were probably splattered across his face, but at the moment he couldn’t find the strength to mask the overwhelming fear and anxiety.

Lalna lived here.

And that terrified him.

Understanding flooded her eyes and she looked away. “He hurt you.” It wasn’t a question and her voice was soft enough that Rythian didn’t think he needed to answer. Instead, he looked to the floor, hoping to find something down there to calm him down. His head was starting to feel light and clenching his fists was doing nothing to bring him back down to wherever he’d floated off to. Part of him wanted to tell her, to explain what had happened so that she’d know why he was acting like this, another more raw part of him wanted to curl up on the floor and stop feeling. He opted not to say anything at all. He wasn’t sure how much of the past he could remember and speak about before things started to turn ugly. “I know how the old Lalna could be.” Her voice took on a darker tone, and Rythian’s head snapped back to her at the comment. 

She was looking at her hands, and he wondered for a second what she meant by the ‘old Lalna’. He tried to ask, but the words got caught in his throat. A choking gasp escaped instead, and then it was like Rythian’s body had finally opened the floodgates. He started to shake, his lungs ached in his chest, and black dots started to cloud his vision. A gag almost forced its way out of his mouth but it only made him double over. In a second, Kim was beside him, holding his arm to keep him from collapsing.

“Rythian?” She said, gently. “Let’s get you to the couch.” Her voice was calm but he knew she must be panicking. Hell, he was panicking. He didn’t know what was going on. The only thing he could feel was his anxiety and a horrible dark feeling in his body. He wanted it to stop.

He felt Kim slowly walk him over to the couch and he fell sideways onto it, curling into himself on the way. His breaths were stuttered and he felt hot tears stinging the corners of his eyes.

He couldn’t stop thinking about how Lalna lived here, about how he could be back, about how Lalna could kill him right then and there. The voices were there, pushing him over the edge with a stick, always poking, prodding. Why couldn’t they just stop? They were everywhere, taunting him, telling him he could never win. He’d never win.

“Rythian.” Kim’s voice cut through his head. His eyes popped open and for a second he wondered when he had closed them. Her face held a deep look of concern. “Keep looking at me alright? You’re having a panic attack.” She was calm, but Rythian couldn’t wrap his head around the idea of him having a panic attack. He’d never had this happen to him so bad before. “Breathe.” She instructed, exaggerating her own breathing to help with his.

He hadn’t realized how long it had been since he’d taken a breath until he inhaled enough to almost start him coughing. Kim nodded, encouraging him to continue. He tried, but every time he wanted to pull the breath back in and keep it. It was too hard. He couldn’t do it. “Rythian,” She said again, and it made him try harder, “What sometimes helps is to count or name the things you hear and feel.” She continued her breathing. “So, tell me what you hear.”

He tried to nod and hoped that it looked that way. He focused. A faint  _ baa _ is what caught his attention. “A sheep.” He said quickly in between his breaths.

She smiled, and Rythian felt it, “Good.” She said, gesturing for him to keep going. His head still felt light, but he was sure his shaking had lessened. He just had to keep trying. He could get himself under control.

He listened more and heard some humming from down below, “Machines.” He said, almost with a grimace but even those things sounded better than what he was experiencing now. A hand landed softly on his arm and he almost flinched away before he realized it was Kim’s. “I feel your hand.” His voice sounded strained, but Kim just kept nodding. He tried to keep his breaths in tune with hers and he was slowly making progress. “The couch is hard.” He said, trying to focus on how the couch felt against his side.

Kim laughed lightly, “I rarely sit on it. I try to keep myself busy.”

Rythian tried to laugh with her. “I try to, too.” He almost started thinking about why he did that but Kim’s hand was like an anchor for him. He forced himself not to think on it. 

Kim’s voice doesn’t change, “You’re doing great.” She said with another smile and Rythian felt the rock in his chest lighten a little more. “What’s your favorite food?” She asked suddenly, and Rythian would have laughed if he had the energy. 

“Mushroom stew.” He said before he even thinks about it. Zoey floods his mind and a small ache returns but it’s nothing in comparison to before. He felt bittersweet about Zoeys departure but he knew she was happy.

“Really? I would have pegged you for a steak kind of guy.”

Rythian does laugh at that, just a little bit and he shook his head. “Mushrooms.” He says in response as he nods. His body had stopped shaking, and he felt his breath come a little easier than before.

Kim helped him sit up, and, although his head did spin for a second, he managed to stay upright. She blocked his view of the statue with the way she was standing in front of him. He didn’t know if it was intentional, but he was grateful nonetheless.

The expression on her face as she stared down at him was caring, but there also looked to be a hardness behind it. “You don’t have to tell me what happened to cause that,” She started, “But I do have a feeling Lalna was a part of it.”

Rythian flinched at the name. He didn’t know if it was  _ just _ Lalna that caused his freak-out, but he did know seeing the statue brought back a lot of feelings he’d tried to repress. He rubbed the back of his head, a feeling of shame flooding through him at acting so weak. “It was nothing.” He tried to save face, but his voice sounded raw even to him.

Her expression hardened more, and she carefully laid a hand on his shoulder. She met his eyes, “ Rythian. Having a panic attack is nothing to be ashamed of. I don’t know what you’ve gone through, and I don’t know what you did before this world, but it had to have been hard being alone.” Her words almost had Rythian fighting back tears. He pushed that feeling down instead, and averted his eyes.

“It…” He started to say and found it was hard to find the words he was looking for, “It wasn’t just seeing Lalna.” He finally settled on. “We’ve had a past.” He offered, glancing back up at her. Seeing her confused expression made him feel a bit better. She didn’t know what had gone on. “We both made mistakes, Lalna maybe a little more.” A small humorless laugh escaped him. “I don’t think I ever got passed it… And then when everyone started leaving Tekkit, I was alone.” His voice cracked at the last word and he tried to keep the heavy feeling from settling in his chest again. “Seeing him, it made all of that come back.”

Kim nodded, and Rythian could see she understood. “I know Lalna can be awful. He really used to be.” She said softly, staring off. Her eyes were a million miles away. “But then he changed.” Her gaze shot back to Rythian. “He got better; realized his mistakes.” Rythian almost didn’t believe her, but there was such honesty in her face that he let himself think it was true. “He’s different than he used to be.” A small smile graced her features and Rythian wanted what she was saying to be true.

He didn’t want any more conflict between him and the scientist. He just wanted some semblance of peace after the shit he’d been through. After everything he put himself through to be more clear. But something in his core was telling him to run, and that was enough to cast doubt on her claim. His expression turned unsure, “I don’t know… Lalna and I had enough bad blood to poison a cow.” He muttered. “I can’t believe that he’s changed when everything I’ve seen from him has told me he’s… awful.”

Kim just nodded again. “I’m not asking you to believe me on blind faith. You don’t even have to stay here if you don’t want to.” She said quickly. “I’d love it if you did, but I know Lalna has gotten on a lot of people’s bad side.” She looked annoyed at that, but Rythian couldn’t see any real heat behind the expression. “If you want to just stay until he comes back and then leave, you can do that too.” She offered with a warm smile.

He thought about it for a second. Entertained the thought of living here with her, and he really wanted to make it a reality. He just didn’t know if it was worth having a run in with Lalna. He needed time to think…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to kind of get across like traumatized Rythian cuz like he went through alot


	3. Chapter 3

“I… I just need some time to think about the offer.” He replied, forcing himself to stand up.

“Of course,” Kim said with no argument in her voice. The smile she had was bright and it put Rythian at ease.

He felt better, and decided it was time to stand up. His legs felt light when he pulled himself up, but the weird feeling only lasted a moment.

Kim gave him a moment before taking a step back and lightly clapping her hands together. “Now, you need tools.” She said with a big smile.

Rythian felt himself smile back and quickly shook his head. “That’s unnecessary, Kim, really.” He tried to insist, “I can make my own tools.”

The pout on her face said otherwise. Her hands moved to grip her hips and she lifted her chin up at him. “Rythian! You’re insulting me. What kind of hostess would I be if I didn’t even give you tools?!” She exclaimed, waving one of her hands in a dramatic gesture. She turned and walked around the chest beside the double bed.

With her out of the way, Rythian’s eyes immediately found the statue again. Lalna’s copper eyes stared through him, and he suppressed a shiver. Thinking about how he could see Lalna again gave an onslaught of emotion; none of which made sense to him.

Anxiety, excitement, sadness, fear, and so many more he couldn’t place. Like bees, they stung at him and swarmed his brain.

“Rythian/?” Kim’s voice was the smoke that put them to sleep. His eyes snapped to her. She looked worried as she returned from the chest with a ruby sword, pickaxe, and sapphire shovel. 

Her eyes bore into his, “You alright?”

He nodded immediately. He was fine. Just a little… overwhelmed.

He looked at the tools in her hands and raised his eyebrows at the very blue, not red, shovel.

She smiled nervously, “I may have stolen the shovel from Lalna’s side. Mine broke awhile ago…” She trailed off for a second before taking an unsure step backwards. “If you don’t feel comfortable using it, I can get you something else.” She said quickly after, but Rythian just waved his hand dismissively at the comment.

“No, no. It’s okay. It’s just a shovel.” He said with a quick laugh.

She smiled and handed them over. Even after his own dismissal at the shovel, he almost felt an electric shock when his hand closed around the handle. Lalna’s hands had touched this. He felt over the nicks and grooves that had been made with the use of it over time. Lalna had used this, maybe even cherished it, since he still had it.

Kim saw his careful examination of the thing, and shrugged, “We both got sentimental and decided to keep them. They were our early tools, sapphire and ruby. Of course, our originals broke a long time ago, but we replace them to keep it going.” She said with a wide smile.

Rythian had a hard time believing that Lalna got sentimental but looking at the shovel in his hand now, he had no choice but to believe her. 

He felt over it one more time, and he could swear he felt an imprint of a hand over the lower part of the handle. He shook his head at the thought; he was overthinking it. He put them all away before more insane thoughts overtook him and then turned to Kim.

“So, what now?” He asked, trying not to sound rude with the question.

Her smile just seemed to grow, “Now, we mine and craft!”

A real laugh bubbled out of him at the response, and it made him feel lighter. Like his strife from the past was just inching away, turning into distant memories.

Maybe he could stay here, maybe just for awhile.

It had been a couple days since Kim had given him the offer, and he had finally decided that staying would be the best option. She hadn’t pushed him on his answer since that first day, and she hadn’t even mentioned it again. She had started building him a small room at the back of Panda Labs but it was just bare walls and a bed. 

“Kim…?” He called into his communicator. She had linked him into their main one on the third day when they had trouble finding each other in the huge base. He had only just landed in this world and she had opened her space to him so quickly. It surprised him every time he thought about it. He could never be more grateful to her for doing it.

He knew he had to tell her that he wanted to stay, but the idea almost scared him. He’d been betrayed before, and accepting something as generous as what Kim was offering wasn’t something that came easy to him .

However, he knew he had to do it. He had been alone with his own thoughts for so long… the voices… the nightmares, it all drove him to do things he wanted to forget. Now that he was around someone so bubbly and happy, he was feeling a lot like his old self. The familiarity made his heart ache at the memory of Zoey and feeling like this, but Kim made that easier, too. Her company was just too good. Rythian could hardly be in his own head with her around and, after so long of being nowhere else, the change was more than welcome. 

He felt like he could finally breathe something other than poison and he didn’t want to have to go back to how he was living beforehand. Hearing Kim talk about Lalna gave him some type of hope for some kind of future here, but at the same time he felt it was some kind of pipe dream that Lalna would ever be different. He didn’t like to think of that. It only meant he was staying on borrowed time and thinking about being alone again in another world made his chest tighten and his breathing start to choke. With how he was, he wouldn’t last long alone before reverting back to his former self in the Tekkit world. He pushed down a disgusted shudder. He didn’t want to think about it.

But just being around Kim in the last couple of days had made his painful memories and scars start to ache less. He felt almost comfortable at the place she had built… and he just wasn’t ready to give that up yet.

“Yeah, Rythian?” She said back, the clank of glassware audible in the background.

“In the witchery hut?” He questioned, stepping down the stairs with the ruby pickaxe in hand. He’d made it a point not to use the sapphire shovel too much. It felt… weird to hold it; he only hoped Kim didn’t notice.

“Yeah!” She said excitedly back.

He headed over quickly, feeling something like a rock start to form in his throat. A small fear had started to spread. What if Kim rejected him? He tried to push it away, but the thought seemed plausible. They’d only known each other for maybe a week. That was more than enough time to reconsider an offer.

By the time he reached the hut, he felt a cold sweat start to form at the back of his neck. He forced himself to step inside, and at the sight of Kim mixing ingredients and pouring potions, he felt a bit better. The excited smile she gave him also did well to quell his insecurities.

He forced himself to talk before his worries got the better of him again, “Uh…” He internally slapped himself for starting out like that, but he quickly continued, “I’ve been thinking about your offer about staying here.” His voice came out more quiet than he meant it to. At the comment, Kim stood straight and turned her full attention on him.

“Oh, really?” She asked, looking at with a sheepish smile. “I’m fine with it if you don’t want to stay here, Rythian, just so you know.” She said, her face betraying how nervous she was. “If you want, I could even help you build a base somewhere else.

Rythian wanted to laugh at how nervous  _ she _ was. He was the one saying yes to intruding on someone’s life. He smiled, “No, actually… I think I’d like to stay here.”

Kim’s shy smile got bigger and her body seemed to fill with confidence. “Yes!” She exclaimed throwing her hands high in the air and laughing. “I was hoping you’d stay! You’re a natural at magic and I’ve never been able to work with someone like that.” Her tone implied that Lalna was one of the people who wasn’t very magically inclined and at that thought, Rythian felt himself stiffen the smallest bit. Lalna was still a worry, but he tried not to dwell on it. That would come later and right now, he was happy about his choice.

If Lalna became a problem later on, then he’d deal with it and he was sure Kim would help him work it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for it being short  
> im just trying to get some updates going


	4. Chapter 4

Over the next couple of months, Rythian and Kim grew comfortable with each other. A room was made for Rythian at the back of panda labs, and as much as he was against it, Kim insisted on him making it his own. Being around Kim made him feel more like his old self than he’d care to admit. He found himself laughing more, smiling more, and he had more motivation to do the things he loved. That’s not to say it was all perfect, but she made it easier somehow. 

He started getting back into magic after Kim taught him the basics of witchery. They set up another altar for him next to hers and he caught up to her quick. He also started to fiddle with Thaumcraft a bit but after Kim told him the voices were getting worse, he stopped doing it at Panda Labs and made a faraway base inside the neighboring mountain to do it there.

Kim also tried to get him interested in the machinery side of their base, but Rythian still had his grudges. He humored her a little bit when she tried to get him to make more advanced machinery in Lalna’s place, but he eventually told her he just didn’t like it. And so dust piled up on most of them and after Kim convinced him to make himself an ipad, the computer was really the only thing being used.

Rythian was happy for most of the months that passed. He never really thought he could feel that way again, but there he was. His “incidences” in the past were just memories, and every day he felt himself become the person he wanted to be.

One of the main things that continued to plague him through the days was the impending return of Lalna. He knew it was inevitable that he’d come back, but a part of him hoped that he never would. Rythian wasn’t one to cope with change very well, and just the thought of the scientist made his hair stand on end, so he tried not to think about the future very often.

Kim still tried her best to tell him that he really had changed. That he was better than the person he used to be by miles, and that, once the initial shock of Rythian wore off, he’d be genuinely happy to see him.

Rythian couldn’t let himself believe it, but snippets of conversations kept coming to him. It was always right before he went to sleep; he’d remember before the war, before everything happened, when Lalna would come to his base and watch him do his thing with magic. Those memories were pleasant, he’d -- dare he even think it -- liked Lalna quite a bit. Then he’d sigh, push down the lump in his throat, and force himself to forget the times he laughed with him. On those nights, he’d usually awake in a cold sweat to Kim handing him a glass of water. She always looked so worried, and Rythian felt awful about it every time.

He had no idea what he was going to do when they finally met each other, but the time was coming sooner and sooner every day.

* * *

There were days when Rythian just didn’t feel like going outside, and he’d go upstairs to Kim’s bedroom to her couch and sit and read. The bronze eyes of Lalna would always follow him, but he’d long since learned to ignore it in favor of a comfy seat and a good book.

There were also the days when the voices would become too much for Kim and she’d pause in whatever she was doing to seek out Rythian. His presence usually quieted them for awhile and she’d get a much needed reprieve from the constant bombardment of madness.

Sometimes these occasions would overlap, and Kim would take a nap next to him on the couch while he read. Rythian always promised to wake her up when she started to snore, but he’d usually let her rest anyway. He knew she barely ever got a good night’s sleep, and it wasn’t the worst thing to deal with.

It was on a day like this when Lalna came home.

Rythian was a quarter of the way through his book when he felt it. A presence approaching the house. His magic had grown significantly stronger in the time since the switch in worlds and he could feel the life around him more than he could in a long while. It was how he kept track of Kim most days, but now, knowing Kim was sleeping soundly next to him, he anxiously worried about who was walking through the front door.

His hand immediately went to the bright green vyroxeres sword clipped to his side, and stood up. He set his book down and walked quickly but quietly towards the stairs. He couldn’t hear anyone walking around since Kim’s room was soundproofed to all but Rythian’s part of the house, but he could feel the person waiting in the foyer.

He decided it best to meet them there. Rythian really didn’t want to wake Kim up. He’d noticed she hadn’t been sleeping more than normal. It was almost every night that she was waking up in an episode, and at this point she was avoiding going to sleep all together.

So he slowly made his way down the stairs, trying to be quiet so he wouldn’t alert whoever it was down there to him. He made it a quarter of the way down when he saw a glimpse of a white lab coat, and his heart leapt to his throat.

Lalna.

 _Of course it was, who the hell else would it be?_ , he mentally chastised himself. He forced himself down more steps and was appreciative of the fact that Lalna was facing away from him. He tried to loosen the grip on his sword, but his fingers felt a million miles away. They wouldn’t respond. 

Brown boots, white lab coat, black gloves, and goggles. Lalna hadn’t changed much in how he looked. From what Rythian could see from the back as he reached the bottom of the stairs was that Lalna hadn’t noticed anything was amiss. He heard him muttering to himself with his hands on his hips, and before Rythian could even think of a way to announce himself, Lalna turned around.

His face was almost the same too. The only difference was that his eyes had changed from the cool blue they used to be to a startling violet.

The look of shock was certainly new, but the furious stare that replaced it was all too familiar. Rythian felt old venom start to flow through his veins as Lalna yanked his sword out. A bright pink one at that.

Lalna struggled to find words. His mouth contorting into different shapes as he tried to find the right thing to shout at him. Rythian didn’t understand how he was doing it; he couldn’t even feel his mouth, let alone try to make words with it.

“What the fuck are you _doing_ here?!” Was what ended up coming out. Before Rythian could explain himself, Lalna was yelling again, “Where the hell is Kim!?!”

Rythian was stuck between telling him where she was and trying to figure out a way to tell him that he had been living there and everything was more or less fine.

“Lalna,” Was all he could get out. His voice didn’t sound like his own; it felt distorted and quiet. He could feel his heart pounding as adrenaline raced through him. Seeing Lalna in person brought back so much muscle memory, his body almost went on autopilot. His sword was out, his whole body braced for an impact that wasn’t coming, and his mind was racing with escape plans. 

It didn’t help how Lalna was acting, not that Rythian could blame him entirely. You come home to your old arch nemesis, anyone would be at least annoyed; Lalna looked absolutely infuriated. If looks could kill, Rythian would be dead a hundred times over. He was being flooded with past memories, scars felt fresh under his skin, and the Lalna he saw before him kept flashing back to the one who had locked him in that force field.

His head was starting to feel light, and he knew his breath had locked up as well.

He forced himself to stop looking at Lalna, choosing to look at the far wall, and tried to think of Kim. He grounded himself with his memories of her. He knew if he called out to her, she’d be up in a second helping to explain but something in him couldn’t bear to wake her up. He owed her so much, the least he could do was let her sleep. That short thought did enough to bring him back to the present. He remembered the home he’d made here and when he turned back, it was a new Lalna he was looking at. The look he had didn’t match with the one he’d remembered. It wasn’t cold and vindictive. It looked the opposite. His eyes were full of fire, and worry was also present in the way he kept looking up towards the stairs to the room that he and Kim shared.

Rythian forced himself to speak, “Lalna, it’s not what you’re thinking.” He said, his voice sounding more like his own.

“Rythian, where is Kim?” Lalna’s voice was dangerously low. 

“She’s sleeping upstairs.” He conceded, feeling torn.

Lalna took one step forward, Rythian took one step back. They locked eyes in their stalemate, “What did you do to her?” Lalna asked, the tone still quiet, but filled with a barely restrained fury.

Rythian almost laughed. What did _he_ do to _her_? She’d practically kidnapped him. Instead he gave Lalna the most helpless look he could and shrugged, “I haven’t done anything to her.” His head was feeling light again looking at Lalna. It was too weird, and he was at such a loss. The anger was cut through for a second with confusion. Rythian had never given Lalna anything other than a glare in years; the slight vulnerability he was showing now must have been such a sight.

Lalna’s eyes suddenly shot to the top of the staircase, and Rythian cursed himself when he realized why. He was so distracted with what was going on downstairs, he didn’t notice Kim getting up and looking for him upstairs. He could feel her now, walking down. She probably didn’t even notice the commotion.

“Rythian, why didn’t you wake me up? I was drooling all over my damn-” she cut herself off, and Rythian knew she must have seen them, “Arm.” She finished lamely.

Lalna’s face broke into a smile, and it looked so real, it almost made Rythian’s eyes hurt. So different than what he was used to.

The tension in the room was so thick Rythian’s sword almost cut through it. He didn’t know what to do. Should he talk to Kim? Should he try and explain himself?

“Lalna!” Kim exclaimed, half filled with genuine happiness and the other with caution.

“Kim!” He yelled back, tears in his eyes. “Thank goodness, you’re okay! I don’t know how he got here, but don’t worry.” Lalna looked back to Rythian, and stepped forward. His sword was close enough to hit him in the chest if Lalna pushed it far enough. “He won’t hurt you.”

Kim rushed down when she saw what was about to happen. She put herself in front of Rythian and shoved Lalna’s sword to the side. “Put that away!” Now, she sounded angry. 

“What are you talking about?” Lalna questioned, grabbing her and trying to move her away from Rythian. “He’s dangerous, Kim!” He yelled, looking between the two of them.

That set Rythian off, “Right,” He started, practically spitting the word, “ _I’m_ the dangerous one.” He put his sword away and crossed his arms over his chest to keep himself together. For a second, rage burned through him.

He tried to keep reminding himself of what Kim had been telling him. Lalna had changed. He’d gotten better. He’d been seeking redemption. He was a new person.

But the person in front of him now was an all too familiar nightmare. Nothing but violence, and fighting. No compromise. Rythian almost welcomed the old would being torn open; it’d feel comforting in an awful way. Like nothing had changed, and he wouldn’t have to go through the painful process of learning to get along with Lalna.

“You are dangerous.” Lalna growled, through his teeth.

“Lalna, stop it.” Kim snapped, taking a step toward him.

Kim’s voice snapped his out of the haze of fury. As soon as the anger burned away, Rythian felt his foothold on sanity start to loosen. This was getting to be too much, and Lalna was not helping the situation. “Kim, maybe I should go.” Rythian said quietly trying not to let his voice shake.

“Like hell, Rythian.” Her voice was hard and he knew it was no good to argue. “You’ve been here for months! Lalna is just being an ass.” She didn’t take her eyes off of the blonde as she said it.

Now, Lalna’s face was devoid of anger. His sword was forgotten at his side, and he looked paler than before. His expression resembled someone who’d just seen the sky collapse in on itself; like he was witnessing something so impossible, and mystifying he couldn’t look away.

It was quiet for a moment. There was a silence so thick, a pin could be heard falling. Rythian wondered if Kim could feel the tension. How did she not choke on it? He felt like he was.

And then all at once, like a hammer against glass, the quiet shattered.

“What the _hell_ do you _mean_ he’s **_been here_ ** ?!” Lalna screeched, his voice going two pitches too high as his eyes bulged at the sight in front of him. “He must have done something to you, Kim. He’s here for _revenge_!” Lalna was practically manic at this point. The word filled the air like poison gas. Hearing it in such a pointed way, from the mouth of Lalna; Rythian’s old friend and worst enemy. It squeezed Rythian’s side until he felt like coughing his guts out. His head was throbbing. He didn’t like to think on the pathetic excuse for vigilantism he used to partake in, and Lalna’s exclamation had Rythian’s head exploding in memories he didn’t want to think about. 

He felt like he was going to pass out. Was he wheezing? Was he even breathing? The only thought in his mind he could get to was that he wanted, no, needed, to get out. Instead of blacking out, he forced his legs to push himself out of the base and into the air. He couldn’t handle it. It was all _too much_ . Seeing _Lalna_ , seeing all of him ten feet from him, lab coat, and all. It was too real, too sudden, and way too close. He just needed a second to catch his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know if you like how it's going, or what you think is going to happen! Thank you so much for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

Lalna couldn’t believe what he had seen.  _ Rythian _ … in his base with his best friend! And she was just.. Acting like it was all  _ fine! _ What the hell was going on?! Rythian had fled-- thank Notch -- and Kim was staring at him like he’d just murdered one of the animals.

He didn’t know what to say. He’d never told her exactly what had happened between them, so it wasn’t as if she knew why, but it was obvious to Lalna that Rythian wasn’t just there to talk. There was no way.

“Lalna, I know you and Rythian went through some kind of something, but you are acting crazy!” Kim yelled at him, her eyes aflame with anger. “You don't know why Rythian's here.”

Lalna spoke before he could think about it, “He’s here to kill us, Kim!” She wasn’t making sense.

“How are you so sure?” She said, trying to keep her voice low. At that, Lalna blanched, he couldn’t just tell Kim everything. He was so ashamed of his past already, how the hell was he supposed to even start? “Lalna, Rythian has been a good friend to me while you’ve been gone.” She said sharply and quickly. The words felt like a punch to his gut.

How long had he been there?

“And for you to not just trust me enough to  _ listen _ ,” She cut herself off, and looked to  t he wall. Her expression looked equal parts hurt and offended, and it made Lalna feel like shit. “Do you really think I’d be stupid enough to bring someone in our base who wants to kill us?” She asked, her voice going high as she threw her hands up.

He didn’t respond. Of course, he knew Kim could handle herself but, Rythian was… different. It was too… personal. It was  _ Rythian _ . “Kim, I’m so sorry, but he-”

“No, I’m telling you, Rythian has been nothing but nice, even when he found out you lived here.” Her eyes shot back to his and fierce violet burned into him. “I told him you had changed, and he was trying so hard to believe me. He’s told me he’s trying to change too! He hates what happened, whatever the hell it was, and he wants it behind him! I thought that was what you wanted, too.” She took a step forward and with it, Lalna could feel the passion radiating off of her. She looked so angry, “Was I wrong?” She asked, heartbroken. “Are you back to who you were before? The person who hurt Rythian? Who hurt me!?” She paused, tears dusting the corner of her eyes, “The person who kept hurting himself?”

Lalna wanted to cry. “You don’t understand.” He said, trying so hard not to start breaking down. “He-He. I, you don’t- what happened was,” His throat felt thick as he stumbled over his words. “Kim, it’s complicated.”

She took a breath, and closed her eyes, “I don’t know exactly what went on between you two,” A pause, two shaky breaths, “But do you really think what you just did helped anything between you at all?”

Lalna scoffed, he couldn’t help it. “Who says I want to help anything between us?” Rythian was one of his biggest regrets. That time of his life was awful and he could never forget how terrible of a person he was. Rythian saw the worst of him, the parts that Lalna hated most about himself. The parts that haunted him at night… He couldn’t face Rythian after everything he’d done to him; after everything they’d done to each other.

It wasn’t like he could sit down and talk it out with him… It would be too hard.

Kim gave him a hard look. “I know you better than that.” And it was the truth. “I know how bad you feel over what went on, and Rythian wants to try to get past it. I know you do too, Lal.” Her voice got quieter, more sincere, and Lalna could hardly take it.

On a deeper level she knew she was right. How many times had he wished he had the chance to apologize? How many nights had he stayed up thinking back to his mistakes and wishing he could redeem himself? Now the chance was being offered to him and his decision was to revert back? To yell and scream and throw himself up in arms against his old enemy again? No wonder Kim was questioning if he had changed.

“Kim, things were a lot worse in Tekkit than you know. I… I’m sorry for reacting so quick, but… Rythian is- he’s-” Lalna didn’t know how to explain. 

She held up a hand, “I get why you acted like that,” She started, and Lalna was relieved. He hadn’t ruined their relationship yet. She looked conflicted, “Maybe… Maybe it was wrong of me to just  _ expect  _ you’d get along.” Lalna could have laughed, “I was just really hoping you wouldn’t freak out so hard.” She paused for a second, "I'm sorry, Lalna. I know I'm probably being unfair… but I think this'll be good." She smiled at him. "For the both of you."

And before Lalna could ask her any follow up question, she started up the stairs. “W-wait, hold on!” He called after her, but she ignored him. A few moments later she returned with her jet pack, “Where are you going?” He asked, suddenly confused.

Kim looked at him like he was dumb. “I’m going to go find Rythian. He didn’t look good, and seeing you was probably just as hard on him as it was on you. Especially if you say it was really bad what went on.” She looked nervous. Lalna knew her well enough to know it was because she felt awful for putting all of them in this situation.

What was that phrase? The road to hell is paved with good intentions? 

“Wait, Kim, I really don’t know if that’s a good-”

“I’m going to go get him.” And before Lalna could argue, she was out the door.

Lalna was left standing in the dust, confused, hurt and more frustrated than he'd ever felt. His sword was forgotten at his side, hanging limply and, after a moment, he let it clatter to the floor. He felt exhausted. He forced his feet to move and collapsed into one of the chairs at the table they’d had in the foyer.  His heart felt like it was going a mile a minute. His brain had to have been going fifty times that speed.

He took in a breath, a deep one, and let it out slowly in the hopes that it would clear his addled state.

It didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give Lalnas perspective on this, since it's a very two-sided situation. I wanted to try and write this very equally between Rythian and Lalna because they each have their problems. I like to switch perspectives, so look out for that in future chapters! I've reread this chapter a million times to make sure its exactly how I want it since I'm updating it so soon after the last one(sorry it's so short by the way but more is coming!). Thank you all for reading!
> 
> PS: Kim is trying her hardest


	6. Chapter 6

Notch, Kim felt awful. She should have thought this out more. She knew they had disliked each other and just from how Rythian acted when Lalna wasn’t there, she should have known things would be bad when they first met.

She felt like slapping herself, but with how fast she was going, the wind was doing that for her. She switched her communicator channel so she’d only be talking to Rythian and prayed with everything she had that he was listening, “Rythian?” She called. Static answered. “Rythian, I know you can hear me.” She said it as sternly as she could in the hopes he’d respond. Still nothing.

She pushed her speed, and knew she was getting closer. She could feel him, he was flying slow and lower to the ground. Another wave of guilt hit her as she thought about how terrible the situation must have been for the both of them.

_kim….. kim…..kim_

The voices, which had gone quiet during the commotion started to raise again, and Kim felt the urge to pull at her hair. Of course they’d want to pipe up now.

She ignored them, hoping they’d take the hint.

_Kim... Kim...Kim...Kim_

They were getting louder. Kim grimaced, she couldn’t afford to have an accident this far away from both Lalna and Rythian. She continued her plan to act like they weren't there, and hoped she’d get to Rythian before anything serious happened.

_Kim… know… hears us… KIM_

She stalled at that. It’d been ages since they’d been strong enough to say words. With Rythian around, the only words she’d been able to make out were her name and Mother, and occasionally the word mine.

Fear started to seep into her. She could feel them getting stronger by the second. “Rythian,” She could hear how scared she felt in just that one word, “The voices.”

Then he was in her ears, “Kim, I need you to turn around.”

Again, guilt crashed through her. Rythian didn’t even want to see her. “Rythian please, I know that was bad but-”

“No, Kim, you need to turn around.” He started to sound desperate and Kim could feel him now flying fast toward her.

_KIM...give...KIM...KIM_

They were already getting to be too much. Damn, how long had it been since she'd had an actual episode? She stopped flying in favor of hovering, fearing she'd swerve. Her head was starting to ache. Lately, the worst attacks she’d have would be panic attacks at the low murmuring of her name. The constant buzz would send her spiraling but this, they were everywhere. She felt like she couldn’t see. “Rythian, they’re getting bad.” She said, clutching her temples. The headache had grown into a migraine. 

_KIM...COMING...KIM...COMING_

“Just try to fly home, it isn’t safe over here.” Rythian pleaded, but she couldn’t even tell which way home was now. The world faded away from her; the only thing she could focus on was the pounding that was centered in her head. She could swear there was something behind her eyelids trying to claw its way out. Rythian’s presence was gone to her. She was alone in a sea of purple.

“Where am I?” She whispered. It felt like the wind was hitting every part of her body. She tried to scream for Rythian, but she couldn’t feel her mouth anymore.

**_SHESHERE_ **

Her body was in agony.

* * *

Rythian had calmed down on his flight towards his Thaumcraft cave. The harsh wind against his face and body had centered him, and he’d slowed down to cruise near the trees. He was close to the base now, he could feel the waves. 

Meeting Lalna like that was definitely the wrong way to go, but it couldn’t be helped. No matter how they were introduced, there would’ve been a fight in some way or another. Rythian was honestly surprised he left without any bruises on him. He could definitely see that Lalna was… different. He wasn’t sure in what way, but different. The Lalna he knew would have plowed right through Kim and tried to shove that blade straight through his chest. And Rythian’s old self would have happily fought back.

He suppressed a shiver at the memories.

He’d never thought she’d go looking for him, but he was stupid to think she’d do anything but that. With Lalna being at home, he assumed she’d stay to try and calm him down, but then her voice was in his ears, and he could hear the wind interference. He hadn't responded at first, hoping she would give up, but then she mentioned the voices, and he cursed himself for being so dumb. 

Kim could do a tracking spell with a wave of her hand, why did he decide to go to the one place that might actually hurt her? “Kim, I need you to turn around.” He'd turned back the second he heard he coming toward him... He had so many samples, the thaumcraftic energy would overwhelm her. He wanted to punch himself for never telling her he had the cave, but he’d been scared she’d try to go look. He regretted that decision now that his worst fear was becoming a reality.

“Rythian, please, I know that was bad but-”

He cut her off, “No, Kim, you need to turn around.” He begged. His encounter with Lalna was the last thing on his mind now. The flux would reach out, who knows what would happen if it got a taste of that energy.

He could see her now, a speck floating in the sky. She was so close to it. Rythian pushed further, fighting against the wind to get to her before something awful happened.

“Rythian, they’re getting bad.” She sounded terrified, and it sent an icy fear through his veins. 

“Just try to fly home, it isn’t safe over here.” He tried to tell her, but she didn’t respond.

He was almost there. Hope flooded through him. Maybe he’d be able to get her back to the house before she was too overwhelmed. “Where am I?” She sounded so small and he knew at that moment, she wasn’t seeing the world anymore.

Her jetpack faltered, she sputtered in the air. Rythian felt his body breaking apart as he pushed to go faster. He was still too far. He wouldn’t make it. She started to fall, her body ragdolled as it dropped her to the forest floor. The scream that tore out of Rythian sounded inhumane, but it did nothing. He chased her still, but she disappeared into the tree tops before he could even grab her shirt. She was gone.

* * *

Lalna was utterly and completely at a loss. As soon as he regained feeling in his body, he started pacing. He was trying to figure out what his next course of action should be.

Should he talk to Rythian? Apologize? The thought seemed crazy.

What the hell was he supposed to do about any of this?

Rythian was like an infected cut in the deepest recesses of his memories. It ached to think about him now, especially after years of picking and prodding at it, and after so much time, his past had long since festered. He couldn’t ignore it anymore, not with Rythian so close. He knew he had to say _something_ to him.

He buried his face in his hands, “What am I going to do…” He muttered to himself as he thought about the exchange they’d just had.

He knew the person Rythian had known in the Tekkit days was extremely dangerous in a lot of ways, and it hurt him to think how that old Lalna had practically destroyed him.

A fresh wave of shame overcame him. The thought to actually hear him out had never even crossed his mind, and it made him feel as though he’d never changed at all. At the same time, he knew all of it had just been too much. He couldn’t picture himself acting any other way. It was _Rythian_.

He kept trying to make sense of the whole situation. Why would Rythian have even stayed? The idea seemed impossible on its own. Rythian wasn’t the type to settle with anyone he came across, he rarely trusted anyone, and with the knowledge of Lalna’s presence in the house, why would he have even considered staying? Then his mind drifted to Kim. 

She must have done something to get him to consider it. She did have a presence about her that made you want to be better… Maybe he and Rythian both needed redemption. Maybe that was what Kim had tried to do.

It’s too bad she didn’t realize how far the venom really went. He sighed. They had absolutely loathed each other, down to the very base of their core.

If someone had asked him what he thought of Rythian in those days, he would have said Rythian was a vile creature who deserved nothing but to be put on display; an example to the world of something that came out so inherently _wrong_. He had thought himself to be the best of the best, and he thought Rythian wasn’t even fit to be the dirt he walked on.

He shivered and let out an uncomfortable groan at his old thought process. So _awful_ , so arrogant...

And then he had met Kim, and she had fallen into the flux, and he’d locked her up. In those 100 days, Lalna felt something shift in his psyche. He’d felt regret… remorse, loss, and everything in between. His own failures had haunted him. He’d had nightmares of Rythian and Zoey, of Kim dying, and of himself being tortured by all those he wronged. In those one hundred days, he’d done things he wished he could say he didn’t. And when he finally let Kim out, he was a far different person. It had taken him a long time to get to where he was now, but that shift had started with Kim.

Who was he now? Was he changing again? Or reverting back?

The front door swung open with a deafening slam. Lalna’s gaze snapped to the door and paled at what he saw. Rythian, not alone. Kim was cradled in his arms, limp and pale. If he had the mental capacity, he might have even thought she was dead.


	7. Chapter 7

“What happened?” His voice was barely above a whisper as he tried to get his body to stand up. The sight of Kim in such an awful position had him frozen.

Rythian didn’t even spare him a glance. His face was locked in a serious expression, but his eyes looked past everything. He was holding her tight, and Lalna could feel the anxious waves coming off of him. Rythian hurried across the room, to a door at the back wall that Lalna hadn’t even noticed.

Finally his body responded. He was up in a second, following Rythian through the door.

For a second, he was utterly surprised at what he saw. The room was small, not cramped, but… cozy. It was dimly lit with glowstone in the ceiling, and messy with scattered plants and gemstones everywhere. Papers littered the floor with what he assumed were spells and notes written all over them. There was barely any room to see the actual wood planks underneath. Chests were scattered around the room with half-labeled signs on them saying things like “mostly witchery” and “potions or something”. A small bed was tucked in the corner next to a desk that was also overflowing with notes, spells, and books. It looked like a lived-in room and Lalna was absolutely baffled.

Rythian set Kim down on the bed and Lalna’s panic returned with a vengeance. “What happened?” He said, again, watching as Rythian ignored him for a second time. He saw the mage hurriedly start to search through the chests.

Now that he was no longer blocked by Rythian’s body, he could see Kim clearer. Her chest was going up and down so fast, he thought it might explode. She was sweating through her clothes and her whole body looked so stiff and tense, it was almost shaking. She was so pale... 

This was not good. This was absolutely not good. His panic ballooned inside of him until his chest tightened with it. She’d never looked this bad before.

“Rythian!” Lalna yelled, taking a step forward. Finally, Rythian’s attention snapped to him. The intensity he saw in him when they locked eyes was immense, and Lalna felt the urge to shrink under the stare. “What the hell happened?” He asked a third time, his voice taking on a desperate tone.

Rythian just stared back at him with the same look and Lalna wondered if he had heard anything at all, but suddenly his eyes lit up and he was talking before Lalna could ask him again. “Purification potions.” He said, nodding his head vigorously. “Go get every purification potion you can find in the witchery hut.”

Lalna felt like screaming. Who the fuck was he to tell him  _ anything _ ? He still hadn’t had any of his questions answered from  _ Rythian _ of all people and he had only just got home to see all of this happening. He had no idea what was going on and hearing Rythian give him an order was just something else frustrating. He was about to start arguing when he heard a gurgle come from the bed. Kim’s mouth had opened and the strange gurgling sound was coming from her throat. Rythian was back at the bedside in less than a second turning her on her side.

“Lalna, go!” He yelled while turning around, his tone demanding and aggressive. Lalna saw Rythian’s murderous expression and decided to save the arguing for later. It didn’t look like Rythian had any ill intent toward Kim, and, although he still didn’t trust him in any capacity, Kim’s safety always came first. So, he rushed as fast as he could to the witchery hut.

He couldn’t help the questions that were building up inside him. Were the two already that close that Rythian would be that worried for her? Had he seen her episodes? Had this happened before? He couldn’t understand what had gone on in the short months he was gone and his mind still couldn’t wrap around the idea that  _ Rythian _ was in his base and had been  _ living _ there for awhile. He didn’t understand how he had settled in so fast.

He ran faster when he saw the witchery hut and rushed inside. He saw several chests with varying labels that he didn’t bother to read. There were more important things.

He searched through every one and picked up every bottle labeled ‘purification’ he could find. He ended up with eight in his arms and when he couldn’t find anymore, he hurried back to the room.

When he pushed the door open, he was met with the sight of Rythian scattering blue crystals around Kim’s body. Her breathing had slowed down the smallest bit, but it was still too fast for Lalna’s liking. He stepped into the room, “Rythian.” He called out, walking toward him. 

He whipped around and his eyes landed on the potions. He grabbed them out of Lalna’s arms and walked back to his desk to let them clatter onto the surface. He grabbed one, opened it, and propped Kim’s head up with the other hand in order to put the bottle to her lips. The swirling clear-ish liquid touched her lips and Lalna saw Rythian force the substance into her mouth. He started to pour. Lalna was frozen in place watching. His fear had him rooted to the spot waiting for whatever was in those potions to start working. He couldn’t see Kim swallowing, but the bottles contents were definitely disappearing. When that one was empty, Rythian didn’t hesitate in picking up another one and repeating the action.

Lalna didn’t know what to say or what to do. He wanted to help Kim, but he had no clue what Rythian was doing or what happened or if Kim was even actually okay. He didn’t want to interrupt whatever magic Rythian was doing to help Kim and he figured even if he did, Rythian would probably bat him away and not answer his questions anyway.

The longer Lalna watched Rythian handle her, the more uncomfortable he became. It was obvious there was genuine worry and care in Rythian's actions, and that alone was enough to have Lalna questioning his feelings about Rythian being around. Kim had seemed to trust Rythian quite a bit, if her putting herself in front of him was anything to go by, but Lalna couldn’t imagine a scenario where the two could interact normally. How had they become so close?

He knew he wouldn’t get that answer now, so Lalna resigned to stand there. He watched Rythian’s every move as he gave her a second potion, and then a third, and then finally a fourth. After the last of the bottles contents were drained, Rythian sighed, keeping his eyes on Kim for a moment, before moving to sit on the edge of the bed that was devoid of any blue shards. He never took his stare off of her.

Lalna could see that the potions did indeed help, since Kim looked better than when she was carried in. Her breathing had evened out, the sweating seemed to stop, her body was more relaxed, and if Lalna hadn’t seen her condition before, he would have thought she was just in a deep sleep.

Rythian still hadn’t looked at him and now that Lalna knew Kim was stable enough, the earlier anger at being ignored flared. “Rythian.” His voice was hard with barely concealed emotions and he finally looked to him. His face was blank and that only served to increase his frustration. “What the  _ hell _ happened?” He asked. His voice was low so as to not startle Kim awake but the urgency and disdain was loud in the small room. Rythian’s lips pushed into a line and his eyebrows furrowed as he stood up. He gave one more look to Kim before getting up from the bed and walking toward the door of his room. 

“Let’s talk outside.” He pulled it open and gestured for Lalna to go first. As much as Lalna wanted to yell at him for answers, he knew Kim needed to rest and could probably do without the both of them getting into a screaming match. He walked out the door with an obvious scowl on his face and did his best not to directly glare at the mage holding the door for him.

As soon as Lalna got out of the room, Rythian shut the door behind him and took a small step forward. “My room is also blocked from sound, so feel free to scream at me all you want.” Rythian said with a smile that looked a little more than bitter.

Lalna sighed, deep and heavy and looked toward the floor so he didn’t have to see him and have his brain freak out again about having the one and only  _ Rythian _ in his  _ home _ . “I just want to know what happened to Kim.”

“She followed me and she got too close to a Thaumcraft base that I have set up a ways away. It must have made her voices overwhelm her. She dropped out of the sky. I gave her a healing potion when I finally got to her, but she was still in bad shape so I rushed her home.” Rythian’s quick response surprised him. He looked back up at him and saw that he looked guarded.

“Is she going to be alright?” Lalna asked, his voice filled with concern. How could Rythian not be freaking out right now? Where was the concern he saw moments ago? 

Rythian’s eyes glazed over and Lalna’s heart dropped as he saw his unsure face. “Honestly… I don’t know.” Hearing Rythian say that made his stomach drop along with it. 

“W-what do you mean you don’t know?!” He exclaimed, his emotions immediately taking over. “You’re the one who knows this shit! Fix her!” Lalna yelled, his voice getting louder with every word. Why he said that, he had no idea, but the thought that Kim was in an unknown  _ coma _ had him wanting to yell all kinds of things.

Surprise flew across Rythian’s face before a glare replaced it. “Kim’s condition isn’t something that’s common. All I could do was give her those potions to help clean out her system, anything more than that is up to Kim’s body.” His voice was level with a cold ferocity Lalna hadn’t heard since the Tekkit days. “If I could do anything else to get her better, then I would be doing it right now.” Lalna could hear the honesty in the sharp remark and he felt bad for letting his temper get the best of him twice in the same day.

He closed his eyes and gave himself a second to take a deep breath. When he opened them again, he saw that Rythian’s glare had softened to a small grimace and his arms were crossed over his chest. The quick cooldown was a surprise, and it served as a quick reminder that a lot of time had passed for Rythian too. He wasn’t the only one reeling right now.

Rythian wasn’t looking at him anymore and Lalna felt grateful for that. He didn’t really feel confident about staring him in the eyes. “I’m sorry.” The words left him quickly, and in the middle of an exhale. He didn’t even know he was saying it until he heard it in the air, and then he was confused. He had a strange feeling about apologizing to him, especially when he was completely sincere about it. It wasn’t a bad feeling, it just filled him with something… sad. He felt like the words were long overdue.

Rythian’s gaze shot back to meet his and Lalna wished he hadn’t moved at all. Rythian’s face was full of confusion and something Lalna couldn’t place. Lalna found it harder to breathe the longer he stared at him. His apprentice was in the room behind Rythian, maybe dying, and now here he was facing down a product of one of the biggest mistakes of his entire life saying the words ‘I’m sorry.’ The whole thing seemed absurd.

He felt a laugh start to bubble out, and he couldn’t stop himself. The look Rythian was giving him was concerning to say the least, but at the moment, he felt the last shred of sense left in him snap. He laughed.

“Um…” Rythian piped up, leaning back towards his door.

“I-I’m s-s-sorry!” He exclaimed, bending over with his hands on his knees. He leaned into himself and stared at the floor as he tried to contain himself, but he had said it twice. Twice! I’m sorry, twice. To Rythian! He laughed some more.

Damn, he felt so awful. Guilt, regret, and an unbelievable yearning for change erupted inside him as he tried to get his hysterics down; it all surfaced in that moment.

He knew Rythian had to be getting more confused the longer time went on, but he really couldn’t focus on that. His eyes were watering now. He couldn’t tell if it was from the overwhelming emotion inside of him or the fact that he’d been laughing for almost a minute straight. The watering of his eyes didn’t stop when his laughs turned to small chuckles, and there were still tears leaking out when he finally caught his breath. For a moment, there was nothing but silence, and Lalna felt the cool feeling of grief run through him. “I… I’m sorry, Rythian.” And he couldn’t recognize his own voice. He didn’t dare look up in fear of what he would see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone has any questions feel free to ask away and i'll do my best to answer  
> Next chapter will be Rythians POV of it all ;P  
> Thank you to everyone reading! I hope you all enjoy!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rythians POV on Kim and his reaction to Lalna

To be completely fair, Rythian had bigger things on his mind than Lalna and whatever he was yelling at him. Kim was in an extremely unstable condition. That was the only thing he could focus on. By the time he had actually noticed lalna was even there with him, Kim was already on his bed and he was looking for water essence shards to help draw the flux back in. He knew his presence wasn’t going to be enough to stop the flux from overwhelming her. They had a taste of that power from the waves and they were going to milk it for as long as they could. Rythian almost stopped breathing when he looked at Kim on his bed. Her body looked to be barely keeping up with stress and he had to think of something quick.

“Rythian!” A voice cut through his panicked thoughts. He turned to see Lalna standing in the entrance to his room. “What the hell happened?” The question bounced off Rythian’s radar, and, before he could actually shout at Lalna to just get out, he thought of something better.

“Purification potions.” He said, hoping Lalna would just listen instead of arguing with him. “Go get every purification potion you can find in the witchery hut.” He practically ordered, his earlier fear of seeing Lalna was forgotten, taken over by his crippling fear of losing Kim. Rythian could see the frustration beginning on Lalna’s face, but before either of them could say anything else, a horrible, wet, gurgling sound came from the bed. In an instant, Rythian was there. He pushed Kim onto her side just in case she was throwing something up and then turned back to Lalna with the fiercest expression he could muster. “Lalna, go!” This time he didn’t look like he was going to argue.

He turned his attention back to Kim to make sure she wasn’t choking. Nothing was coming out of her mouth, but the gurgling sound continued coming from her parted lips. Rythian cursed under his breath and went back to looking for the essence shards. The flux was spreading. He grabbed every one he could find and scattered them around her form, focusing more on getting them near her than arranging them in any type of formation. There just wasn’t time. The sound stopped just as he’d placed most of them down, and at the same time, he heard Lalna behind him, “Rythian.” He turned and saw the potions in his arms. He wasted no time in grabbing them and bringing them to his desk to set them down. Kim’s breathing had slowed some due to the crystals, but the rest of her still looked bad.

He opened one of the potions and propped her head up with his other hand as gently as he could. The last thing Kim needed when she woke up was a sore neck from Rythian holding it too hard. He put the bottle to her lips and pushed it into her mouth with as little force as he could. He wasn’t worried about her choking, since the potion didn’t really need to be swallowed. It was absorbed in the mouth, and it seeped into the bloodstream from there. He carefully poured the potion in, going as fast as he thought he could so none spilled out of her mouth. Rythian knew just one wouldn’t be enough.

The flux was too far gone, so he grabbed another one to repeat the process. Slowly, her body relaxed into the bed, but Rythian could still feel the flux coming off of her. It hadn’t let up yet. He gave her a third potion, and then a fourth for good measure.

After the last one, Rythian finally felt the flux’s hold break. Most of the presence he could feel now was Kim, and she looked a lot better. He hoped with everything in him that she would wake up alright. He had no idea if the flux had gone further into her mind or how long it would take for her to wake up again, because he had never seen her this bad before. Rythian guessed from Lalna’s reaction that he hadn’t either, so whatever Kim was going through right now was unknown territory.

He continued to stare at her sleeping form as he took a seat on the edge of the bed, making sure to be wary of the blue crystals surrounding her. He felt so guilty. She’d helped in more ways than he could count and he had only repaid her in running away and getting her hurt. He would need to do some serious apologizing when --  _ or if _ , the problematic part of his brain spoke up -- she woke up.

“Rythian.” And for a third time, Lalna broke him out of his thoughts. How many times had he heard his name come out of his mouth in the last twenty minutes? He tried not to dwell on how weird it made him feel. He finally turned to look at him and saw the obvious annoyance on his face. He couldn’t blame him, but Rythian had bigger things on his mind at the time. Now, he just felt tired. Even with how awful he felt, he tried to keep his own expression as neutral as possible. He really didn’t want to provoke Lalna with Kim resting so close. “What the  _ hell _ happened?” He asked in a low voice, and Rythian could hear the worry.

Rythian glanced at Kim for a second before looking toward the door. He really didn’t want to leave her at all, but it would be better to talk outside, since his room was also semi-soundproof. The animals had been keeping him up too, but, after an incident with Kim, the top floor was the exception to the soundproofing. He got up from the bed and walked to the door, carefully gauging Lalna’s reaction as he put his hand on the doorknob. “Let’s talk outside.” He said, as calmly as he could muster as he pulled it open and made a motion for Lalna to step out first. 

He could see the irritation on Lalna’s face get worse as Rythian ignored his question for the upteenth time. He really hadn’t meant to, but his thoughts were everywhere and he didn’t have the time to explain. He just hoped he would understand.

Lalna didn’t respond to his proposition but the glare he was giving to the wall was a big tell that he wasn’t pleased. Still, Lalna walked out the door without a word or another look at him. Rythian followed after him and shut the door behind him. He didn’t take a huge step forward, being sure to keep the door behind him within arm’s reach in case Lalna got murderous again. It wasn’t as if he didn’t trust what Kim had been telling him, but Lalna and his relationship was something else. “My room is also blocked from sound, so feel free to scream at me all you want. Rythian said, a sad smile forming on his face that he didn’t really mean to give. He really wanted Kim to be right; he was so done with being angry.

Lalna let out a deep sigh and Rythian was surprised at how tired it sounded. Lalna averted his gaze to the floor and didn’t look back up. Rythian was sort of grateful for it to not have to look into his eyes; they only reminded him of memories he’d rather forget. “I just want to know what happened to Kim.” He finally said.

“She followed me and she got too close to a Thaumcraft base that I have set up a ways away. It must have made her voices overwhelm her. She dropped out of the sky. I gave her a healing potion when I finally got to her, but she was still in bad shape so I rushed her home.” The recent memories burned at his heart as he remembered her crumpled form on the forest floor. He almost physically flinched when the memory of him giving her the healing potion with shaking hands forced itself to the front of his brain, but he shoved it down and did his best to keep his face blank. Lalna didn’t need to know his inner turmoil. He just wanted answers and that was all Rythian was going to give to him.

After that, he was going to go back into his room and watch Kim until she woke up, and if Lalna had a problem with him being there then Rythian would deal with it when the moment came.

At his explanation, Lalna looked back up at him with concern clear on his face, “Is she going to be alright?”

At that question, Rythian tried to look past him. He couldn’t look him in the eyes when he answered, because the truth was… he really didn’t know. Kim was an anomaly. Every episode she had would be unpredictable and it would all depend on how well her body adjusted to the flux swirling in her veins. For him to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ would be an outright lie, and, although Rythian wasn’t fond of Lalna at the moment, he wouldn’t lie to him when he was looking at him like that. “Honestly… I don’t know.” Rythian couldn’t lie to him at all, if he was being honest with himself.

“W-what do you mean you don’t know?!” Lalna yelled and Rythian was surprised at the change. “You’re the one who knows this shit! Fix her!” Lalna’s voice cracked and when Rythian focused back on him, he could see the frustration and hostility laid bare.

Right after the surprise came the anger. “Kim’s condition isn’t something that’s common. All I could do was give her those potions to help clean out her system, anything more than that is up to Kim’s body.” Rythian let out whatever rage he had in those words and hoped it showed on his face. He wanted Lalna to know that Rythian did all he could. “If I could do anything else to get her better, then I would be doing it right now.” He felt his voice almost break apart with his last sentence. Just thinking about how he couldn’t do anything made him want to punch something and cry, but he’d never show that kind of weakness around Lalna. Not even now.

Lalna’s expression changed. He closed his eyes. Lalna’s chest rose and fell and he heard the deep breath he took. Rythian felt his own emotions cool. He didn’t want to be mad anymore. He crossed his arms over himself and curled in the slightest bit. He averted his gaze again and thought about the whole situation. A couple of months ago, he would have laughed if someone had told him this is where he’d be. It was crazy.

“I’m sorry.” Rythian felt his whole body go stiff. Had he heard that correctly? Did Lalna just say those words? The whole world seemed to slow down as he turned back to him. He knew his face must have been an open book at that moment. The phrase threw him for a loop and he felt his heart squeeze. The words sounded so honest and they were doing something to him. He really didn’t know what, but he felt something tug at him and he found it harder to draw in breath.

His head snapped back to Lalna and their eyes locked. The feeling that settled in his chest was foreign and he was uncomfortable with the expression Lalna was giving him. It just looked so… sad. He could see the turmoil swirling behind his barely held together expression and Rythian’s heart beat painfully in his chest. He didn't know what was going on. The tension in the room had multiplied by 100 with those two words and he was at a loss. His confusion at the whole thing built inside him as the seconds ticked by.

And if it couldn’t get any crazier, Lalna started to laugh.

Rythian almost wanted to scream at him; how could he laugh like that? Was he trying to mock him? No... he couldn't be. Not with Kim. Not with the way the laughs sounded. Hollow, and dry.

Lalna was breaking apart right in front of him. “Um…” The unsure word made its way out of his mouth on accident. He leaned back towards the door of his room. He didn’t know what to do. Lalna was already slightly crazy, so would he lunge at him? Try to stab him again? Or would he do something else?

He could see watery tears start to slip through Lalna’s squinted eyes. Would he cry? Something about that thought made Rythian’s whole body shudder with something… unbearable.

“I-I’m s-s-sorry!” Lalna practically yelled, doubling over. His hands went to his knees and his body swayed. Rythian took a step toward him as a reflex before pulling away. He really didn’t want to provoke him. Lalna’s laughing increased, his body starting to shudder at the lack of even breath.

Rythian wanted nothing more than for this interaction to be over. He felt disgraceful, guilty, and sick. Lalna  _ had _ changed, and the realization of that was starting to wash over him like ice cold water. The person he knew before would never show themselves in this way, not even to manipulate. And now here was the same enemy, laughing like a lunatic while tears streamed down their face.

Rythian felt terrible. Lalna’s laughing started to die down after a minute, but the tears didn’t stop when he finally stood up straight again. Rythian was starting to feel caged, in what way he wasn’t sure.

They both stood there for a moment, their eyes locking again for the briefest of seconds before Lalna looked away. “I… I’m sorry, Rythian.” His voice cracked and shook like nothing he’d heard before. It no longer sounded as though he was saying sorry for his temper of the past day; it barely even sounded like Lalna was the one saying it.

His brain was stalling.


	9. Chapter 9

_ Shit _ , Lalna was fucked. He could feel the tear tracks on the sides of his face, and the snot building in his nose. He’d never wanted to show this side of himself to anyone, let alone Rythian. He kept his eyes to the ground, already feeling shame in the pit of his stomach. Nothing was said for a minute, maybe two and the tears still hadn’t stopped their silent descent.

He was pissed. He was depressed. He wanted to leave. He wanted to stay. He wanted to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness. He wanted to scream for Rythian to leave.

A shaky breath, a forced smile, and he finally found the nerve to look up. Rythian’s face was the human equivalent to a loading bar. His eyes were staring off, the expression left behind was a mix of shock and confusion. God, Lalna couldn’t bear to keep looking at him. He raised a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes as tight as he could. He cleared his throat and tried to talk as if there wasn’t a break every word. “Uhm… sorry for yelling.” His voice was timid and he hated it. He pushed his fingers against his eyes for a moment, trying to will the crying to stop. Colors danced behind his eyelids as he pressed harder, and for one sweet moment when he opened them again, he could see nothing but swirling blackness. 

His eyes focused back on Rythian slowly. The black screen across his eyes slowly fading into his unchanged expression. “I’ve never seen Kim that bad, and I’m really worried.” He couldn’t take it, he had to leave. “Look, I can never sit still when she’s going through an episode… Please come get me when she wakes up.” He stopped talking, and forced his feet to move towards the computer room. It was a blatant lie. Whenever Kim had an episode, he was there, still as a statue watching her until the moment she woke up. But right now, Lalna could barely feel the tips of his fingers and he couldn’t be in the same room as Rythian lest he lose his entire mind.

As soon as he got into the basement, he allowed himself to truly feel the emotions that had been swirling in him. His breathing sped as he slammed his fist into the wall beside him. A shooting pain, a crack. He could barely feel it, the only thing he could consciously recognize was the rapid expansion and decompression of his lungs; they were going to pop. He punched again, a pulse of agony shooting through his arm, and fell forward, his forehead knocking against the concrete so hard his teeth clacked together. He fought the urge to scream, and instead held his injured hand to his chest, trying to focus on the cool feeling of stone pressing against him.  _ Deep breaths _ , he tried to tell himself,  _ what would Kim do? _

The image of her on Rythian’s bed was the only thing he could think of. He dropped to the floor, the wall keeping him balanced on the balls of his feet as he desperately tried to think about something other than hurting her. It was his fault Kim was even like this; she didn’t deserve it.

_ Deep breaths, deep breaths _ , he struggled to bring himself back. He was shivering, not breathing, his lips pressed together in a thin line. He clenched his eyes shut and forced himself to think about how to make a diamond gear. A numbness began, starting at his lips and spreading outward. He couldn’t think right now. How to upgrade the computer. More machines. Alloys, wires, circuits. He started to breath again. Jet packs, there were new ones. He could make new ones. He’d need more machines, more tanks, more space on the computer. The numbness was down his neck now. His hand pulsed, but the feeling was miles away. He opened his eyes to grey, and stood back up. He looked at the computer room. Dusty, he’d need to clean them off if he was to get any work done.

He focused on  _ building _ , and put himself into anything he could do. Anything to stop him from thinking about Rythian and Kim and everything he had said and done. 

Time was something he couldn’t keep track of. He forced himself to think only of what was in front of him. Copper, tin, iron, steel, sheets,  _ Rythian _ , another punch to push the thought away, copper, tin, iron,  _ Kim _ , a slam to the wall, wash, rinse, repeat. 

God, he was pathetic. Kim was up there, with Rythian and here he was tinkering with his god damn machines, and he wasn't even able to do that right because his fucking hands were  _ shaking. _ He threw the circuit he was trying to upgrade to the ground, hearing the shatter but not seeing it. His head was spinning. This wasn't good. He took a second, leaning over the workbench and taking a breath. His stomach was turning, was there a ringing in his ears? Fuck, when had he last eaten? Black dots started to cloud his vision and he cursed. It couldn’t have been more than a day, it couldn’t have been. He was breathing heavily now, his arms quivering as he fought the urge to retch. He could barely see. He could swear he could hear the blood rushing through his veins. He carefully used the crafting table to get to his knees, a hand going to cover his mouth as he dry heaved. Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck. _

He could see the world warping and bending through the inky swirls growing in his vision. He tried to fight through it to no avail. His body had enough. Darkness overtook him; a pressure, pain, and then nothing.

* * *

What the hell had just happened? Rythian felt sick, like something foreign had lodged itself in the pit of his stomach. It had been a long time… and he was so tired. He was tired of trying to fight, tired of revenge and hating Lalna. It was exhausting, and now that he’d seen the change, he couldn’t lie to himself anymore. To see Lalna in such a raw state, to see him so… human. It was proof the cold mechanical and insane person he used to know was gone. Just like Lalna, the reckless, selfish person he used to be had morphed as well. All of the things Kim had been saying to him no longer sounded impossible. An inkling of hope had seeped into him.

Maybe he could try to get along with Lalna. Part of him wanted to follow him and explain that he was confused, too; to talk to him and explain that this wouldn’t be easy, but he wanted to try. An even smaller part of him wanted to say sorry, too. Rythian was as ready as he could be for it. Absolutely terrified and worried, but still willing. He gave a quick shake of his head. He’d need to put Lalna on the back burner for now; Kim needed him.

He turned and walked back into the room. Kim was still out and he took a seat in his desk chair beside her. He’d be here awhile, he was sure. His own worry moved like sludge through him as he watched her. Her body had just taken a beating, and he wasn't sure how that would affect her when she woke up. He sighed and laid his head in his hands, a feeling of guilt taking over. This was his fault, his  _ fucking _ fault. If he had just stayed, or said something or done something, this could have been avoided.

He felt Lalna moving around in the room below. He couldn’t hear him, but his presence was undeniable, like a fluctuating static he could sense in the back of his mind. He was still right now, but something about the way the static was pulsing made Rythian think he wasn’t having the best time. 

He held in a groan. He’d had time to try and get past the heinous actions of the past. With Kim helping, he’d been able to finally let himself hope that things had changed, but Lalna hadn’t had that luxury. He reminded himself of this when he thought back to the outbursts of the scientists. He’d just returned and found  _ Rythian _ , of all people, in his home with his best friend. This was new, and that was a fact he needed to remember. He shook his head, trying to clear it as much as he could.

This was absurd. He sat back up, eyes falling on Kim once again. He could feel the start of tears welling up, and for a second he let himself cry over her. This feeling wasn’t new. Guilt, regret, he’d lived with that for years thanks to the mage currently walking about in the computer room. Somehow it never got easier, even now.

After a minute, he choked his tears back and stood up, resigning himself to picking up the litter of unfinished spells and potion recipes until Kim regained consciousness.

The time passed like sand through an hourglass, and Rythian did his best to keep track of it. 

* * *

He could hardly believe the endurance, the drive, the sheer absolute  _ idiocy _ of the man in the room below him. It had been four days and Rythian had taken to 'watching' Lalna through his sixth sense to help pass the time. If he focused hard enough, he could get a distinct outline of a body, and hands working around objects. He could tell Lalna hadn't stopped moving or working the entire time he'd been down there. Rythian could feel the excited static like electricity. He couldn't believe he was still going. 

Rythian had the help of potions to keep himself and Kim sustained, but he suspected Lalna didn't have the same sort of help. He must have been keeping himself going by sheer force alone. The thought impressed Rythian the slightest bit, before he shook that away. Lalna was hurting himself, plain and simple. He probably wasn't eating or drinking at all. Back in the Tekkit days when Lalna and him had still talked he recalled that Lalna got lost in his work quite often, and he'd forget simple things like water breaks or sleep. He'd push his body to the brink, stopping only when he couldn't take anymore.

Rythian wondered if that still stood true.

That was when he felt it -- or more so  _ didn't _ feel it. Lalna had stopped. And not just stopped as in stopped in one place, he had done that before to maybe craft or fiddle with a specific machine, but stopped as in his presence flat lined. The lively current of Lalna's aura had plummeted to a mere flicker. He couldn't even see his hands moving.

Immediately, an uncomfortable seed of worry planted itself in Rythian's chest. Was he alright? Should he check on him? He looked at Kim, still sleeping, and knew that if he didn't go see if Lalna was okay, she'd be mad. But what if another fight happened?

He could always leave? But he didn't want to leave Kim alone. Another look at her and he had his answer. He stood up and walked out his door, heading to the computer room ladder before he could think of it again.

Kim would have his head on a platter if Lalna died while he could have done something. Not only that but Rythian felt some responsibility for the blonde in the current circumstances. Especially since Lalna wasn’t completely in his right mind.

He descended the ladder, his eyes scanning the room and after seeing the state of the scientist, decided that he was glad he came down.

Lalna was lying face down on the hard ground in a growing puddle of blood. Rythian's heart leapt to his throat as he ran over. He carefully pushed his body onto his side and saw that his nose was the cause of the puddle, the crooked appendage still leaking like a broken faucet. Rythian grimaced, checking the rest of his body for any other injuries. The only things he could see as being injured were his hands. His knuckles were an angry red and some had been split open with dried blood crusting over the cuts. Rythian shook his head at the sight, now knowing what those spikes in energy he'd felt were. He'd have to clean him up, a potion would fix up any broken bones when he woke up, but for now the most he could do was take him back to his room. The thought of that made him want to cringe away and leave him there but the thought of Kim once again had him rethink. He’d just have to deal with it. He took a second to thank notch that he had a double bed.

He sighed and looked down at the mage. The bleeding had slowed from the change in position, but the blood was still everywhere. It coated almost the entirety of his face and stained the top of his lab coat and shirt. The purple smear of flux was completely blotted out in various shades of red.

He sighed again, before picking Lalna up. It took him a second to position him well enough to hold with no problem. Lalna wasn't light, and with him being passed out, he was practically carrying a dead body. He made it up the ladder with more than a little bit of trouble and switched to carrying him in both arms when he finally made it up.

To his disappointment, Kim was still out when he got back. He hoped, for whatever reason, that since Lalna had gone under, Kim would come back up but his hope was in vain. He was glad he’d disposed of the essence shards that first night. Their energy was completely drained after the incident so he’d discarded them in one of his trash chests.

It took him a minute to move the both of them around to fit comfortably, but he managed. They were laying opposite ways, with Lalna's head at Kim's feet and vice versa. He figured they'd fit better that way.

One look at Lalna's beat up face reminded him that he'd need a clean up for sure. He searched through his chests for a rag and bottle of water. After finding both items, he set them on his desk, choosing to start elsewhere. He took Lalna's goggles off, revealing an indent in his hair and struggled to get his lab coat off of him. He left the shirt, not wanting to push his own boundaries too far, before picking up the water and rag. He carefully wiped at his face, trying to get as much of the blood off as possible while also being wary of his nose. Every once in a while Lalna would twitch or flinch if Rythian pushed too hard on his cheek or got too close to the bridge of his nose, but otherwise he didn't wake up.

Rythian got to clean most of the mess off; there were a few smears and specks here and there from where Rythian chose not to scrub hard. Next he grabbed some bandage gauze out of his desk drawer -- he usually used it to wrap his own hands and arms -- and began to wrap Lalna's hands.

Lalna was more vocal about his pain there, his head twitching back and forth as a grimace appeared on his face. Rythian continued wrapping, feeling both bad about it while also trying not to feel anything at all.

When both were done and bandaged right -- there was no way at least one finger wasn't broken with the way the joints felt -- Rythian placed them on his stomach and sat back in his chair. He looked over the two of them, a heavy feeling settling over him as he realized this all may as well be his fault. The familiar air of guilt filled his lungs and he couldn't breath it away. Like air in a balloon, it grew until it was practically leaking out of him. He was guilty for ruining this life of theirs, for being there, for being the type of person he was, and for all of the mistakes he’d made while he was alone. He took a second to breathe, trying to remember that Kim had wanted him there and that she’d said Lalna would eventually be happy to see him. Something in him ached at that thought. He looked back at Lalna’s face.

Seeing him like this was easier. His nose was definitely broken, and he was going to have an assortment of bruises when he woke up. Dark circles ran deep underneath his eyes and his cheeks were sunken. He must have exhausted himself, and Rythian had a quick flashback to when Zoey left him. The man on his bed struck a familiar chord with him as he remembered looking in the mirror and seeing a similar sight. He shook the thought away. This was Lalna. Even so, he didn’t look like the same person that sometimes haunted his dreams. Rythian could almost convince himself that he wasn’t; that this was someone completely different who he’d never met at all. However, he knew. This was the same Lalna who had started and tried to end wars with him. The same one who trapped him, and ruined his life.

There was no anger as he thought about it, no surge of wanting to get revenge, there was only silent recollection. The memories felt far away now.

He leaned back in his chair, and threw his head back. The ceiling stared back at him as he closed his eyes. 

How this was going to go, he wasn’t sure. But what he was positive about was that he could handle it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for everyone reading! I know this is slow, but good stuff is coming soon

**Author's Note:**

> comments are really appreciated :) thank you so much for reading


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